Seven Layers

The seven layers of grief:

• Shock & Denial
• Pain & Guilt
• Anger & Bargaining
• Depression & Reflection & Loneliness
• Upward Turn
• Reconstruction
• Acceptance & Hope

Pretty sure I went through every single one of those emotions at some time today. Today, just downright sucked. I admit it; not proudly, but I do admit it. Not looking forward to a repeat of it any time soon!

Today, September 27, 2011, was the day we found out about my grandmother’s (Dotti) cancer. Today, was the third big event in my life in as many weeks. Finding out approximately how long my amazing, talented, passionate, stubborn grandmother is going to live based on the growth of her incurable cancer.  Just heavy weight on your shoulders; black cloud over your head; yucky! GOOD NEWS!!! No growth in 3 months! Everything is small, can be radiated down when needed… Dotti is going to live FOREVER!

The wonderful flip side to this relief is…  Now, Mommy, Daddy and Dotti are all going to move. Across the World -- ok, country to Seattle Washington to be close to my niece and nephew (the grandkids.) Did I mention they are doing this in DECEMBER (and did I mention it is the last week of September!) I am completely and totally happy for everyone! My niece and nephew (and my sister) are a joy, smart, awesome people and everyone moving is the right thing to do…. But…

This means I’m alone. Totally completely away from my family. For the first time in 40 years my parents are going to be farther than an 8 hour drive away from me; they'll practically be over an 8 hour airplane flight away! I do understand it is not all about me. I do understand that my parents are just as terrified moving (to a new state without a place to live, or a job) as I am of being alone. But...

That information, combined with the realization I’m not going to run in to my friends at the grocery store, I had to get a new Kroger card (so I can get the points), re-realizing I don’t have a boyfriend anymore, the joys of living out of boxes and never having the right supplies for the job (because they are in that other box.) All of it combined, just sucked!

That was my day. 

So, in regards to the 7 layers - I will admit - I have made it to 6 and 7 by the end… Because, all in all, my family moving is the best thing for everyone. I have an amazing family from other mothers who love me as dearly. In the grand scheme of things, this isn’t that bad, everyone is healthy (-ish) and we will still talk every day. It's going to be ok. And lastly, because we all know it really is about me, I can do anything!