Blight on Society??? (Nope, not really)

Since being unemployed, yesterday was the first day I felt like the "leach" on society. The "failure" of the no prospects. The lazy of the "why don't you just get a job". And ya know what? That feeling SUCKS! It's NOT MY FAULT I'm here. Ok... it's not totally my fault. I will take responsibility and I will admit I have been holding back on the job hunt stuff (like writing a resume, or even looking to see what's out there.) A lot of my co-works have found new jobs and are happy.  But here I sit, banging my head again and a again.

Over the years I have created a block, a thick, strong stone wall constructed by the best masons throughout time, that stops me dead in the tracks of progression. I sit. I cry. I pull myself up and figure out a new path. Then magically, that "darn" wall gets stronger, finds me and stops me in my tracks... AGAIN.  I give up what I want. I don't follow through when I should. I watch too much tv. I stop trying and go back the easy Siren's song of retail. And, I'm TIRED of it! I want to stop sabotaging myself, break through and be successful! I deserve it don't I???

The frosting on yesterday's cake was the fact I had a party to attend. A party in luxurious condo, a host I barely know and want to impress, other guests who are "very" successful and ME (the blight on society.) YUG!!!!! Not a happy camper!!!! Nope!!! It was time to pull up those big girl panties, hold my head up high, fake it till I make and remember I am more than my "job" or my bank statement (never an easy thing to do.) Needless to say, I wasn't good company on the drive there. (Sorry dude) But... I went.

 As we got out of the car and strolled slowly to the door, the "social" Betsy started to come to life. I unpacked our food to pass, started talking about what I made, what they made and everyone was drinking wine. The YUG!!!!! fear-coating around me was falling off in large chunks; I was relaxing and letting myself come out from hiding. I could carry on conversations. I asked intelligent questions. I found out interesting information about my new friends. I couldn't hide my passion for interior design and was called out on it; but was ok because it IS one of my strongest passions. Employed or not, owner/designer or not, I am passionate about furniture, design, people and people's homes, AND I can't hide it!!!

My day was ruined because I was worked about how other's saw me. What they would say?  I was making up stories how they would view me... "Haven't you done anything today?"  "Are you Ever going to look for a job?" "I've been at work ALL day, what have you done?" The realization... At the end of the day, noone said any of that. Instead they said "When are we going to do this again?" "This was so much fun!" "I can't wait to see you again."

Lesson learned: Stay out of your Head... Stay on track... Don't worry about the wall, just keep going... Remember you are more than your "job" and bank statement... And soon YOU will have the magic to walk right through the wall, no matter where it appears.