The day started 12 hours ago with a 3-column "To Do"
list, high hopes for an active a day, and wishes for crossing lots of things
off. Yeah, not so much. I did enjoy the sun while lazily running errands, and I
had a long nap.
It is now 7:30 PM and I'm in a mild panic: "What am I
going to do? I have to get this stuff done! I have wasted yet another day!"
I met with a potential new client this week who opened her
business a mere 10 months ago. She is booked consistently and having a great
time being pulled in multiple directions. During our meeting she juggled 3
different activities gracefully without leaving anything unattended or left out.
As I got to know her and her needs better, I realized she didn't ponder. She didn't spend
lots of time weighing pros and cons. She didn't re-asses her plans at every
crossroad. Instead she knew what needed to be accomplished, and did it.
WOW, what a concept! Just do what needs to be done. (We do
realize I'm sitting here analyzing life, typing this, re-reading it 5 times for
typos, finding the perfect picture--all of this, instead of doing anything on
my "To Do" list.)
In a wonderful test of "Life Just Happens," Tuesday
night I got some sh**y news. The housemate that was suppose to move in, the very
next day, wasn't. I realized it because there were no responses to my questions
via text-messages (the joys of great communication skills.) I broke down for the following 36 hours. I couldn't do more
than sleep, cry, or focus on the negativity of life no matter how hard I tried.
In all honesty, I haven't been very motivated for the last 48 hours either. Productive
procrastination has become an art form around here lately. You'll notice, this
is in total contrast to the prospective client, who I am very envious of.
Un-motivation is a problem I have a lot. I don't have the
Just-Do-It drive. I've been told too often: "It's ok. You push yourself
too much; you need rest." "It's ok. You have a lot to overcome and
you're just overwhelmed. You'll get to it tomorrow."
The reality is that I'm single, living on my own, my family
is in another state, and I'm unemployed! I need to make money, find a housemate
and pay bills! I NEED THE JUST-DO-IT DRIVE!
My question is: How do I find it within me? What ritual do I
need to perform? Is it as simple as going out and buying Nike? (Please tell me--because if it is I'm on my way to buy an entire wardrobe and wear it every day!)
I think it's all about never giving up. Not ever. No matter what.
It is accepting when I am unproductive and realizing it's ok. It's starting on the
"Do List" whenever, no matter what time of day is, what the weather is
like outside, what others say... It's Just doing it. Over and over and over... And
over and over and over... And over and over and over again. It's admitting that
occasionally it sucks and blows chunks all at the same time--but you still just
do it. It's believing in yourself and your needs more than worrying about the
what ifs.
And with that pep talk, I'm outta here! I'm off to Just Go Do
It! (Who cares that it's Saturday night at 9pm? I'm starting!) Wanna join me?
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