From Smut to Kids

When I have 5 or 10 minutes or right before bed I take a little escape and read my "smut book"--a period romance novel where the helpless heroin is always in trouble and the handsome rugged hero always rescues her, then they kiss passionately driven from pent up passion and desire. Another description would be "a description of what women long for romance to be and what men cringe at wondering *why* while not being able to wrap their heads around it." I admit they're not the most noble of read material, but they are one of my weaknesses--and I'm ok with that.

In the book I'm reading now there was a section that caught my attention: ".... Harriet ... never once questioning that these things should be done for her."

As I work along today I kept going back to that line, thinking about it, pondering it, and re-pondering. To clarify for you a bit... as I'm working and thinking (because painting doesn't take much brain power, your mind has lots of time to wonder) I'm allowing myself to get frustrated that the guy I'm dating hasn't come to my rescue this weekend. He hasn't helped me with my remodel when I have done his laundry, cooked his meals, and kept his coffee/water glass filled. In essence I have put his needs before my own in hopes he will see me, fall madly in love with me, sweep me off my feet and rescue me. (I truly feel sorry for men and the unknown expectations women put on them)

Really Betsy??? *as I hang my head in my hands and slowly shake it in bewilderment*

I AM secretly waiting for a dude to "be my savior"... And that SUCKS! Over and over again I have learned that doesn't happen, and even it could, it most likely wouldn't happen the way I wanted it to. So, why do I keep hoping, believing it could happen? (If I  keep it up too long I'll need to invest in  a punching bag to relieve my growing frustrations.)

Do I have a Hope spring bubbling over because I'm afraid of doing this (ok, everything) on my own? Because I have low self-esteem? Maybe because deep down inside I believe men rescue women and do the heavy lifting and women take care of men and nurture them?

No matter what the reason, a change in attitude is needed! I am NOT a helpless female. I am Not week or simple minded! I AM determined. I AM resourceful. I AM intelligent. And I AM too suborn to believe I can't....  

These are great inspirational thoughts. They temporarily motivate me and make me feel good. I logically understand them and yes, I am each of these and more. But, I need to believe them to my core, down to the deepest parts of my soul. I guess it's time to look in the mirror at my beautiful face and say after myself "I think I can... I think I can.... I think I can..."

Come on... Say it with me. You know you want to... " I think I can..."