How Did The Oatmeal Get Here?!?

I

I know this is an exaggeration, but this is really how I feel!

'm not too quiet about my life. (OMG that would be a really boring blog... What would I type about if not for all my soap box options on life? Ok, my life...) I'm not afraid to say out loud I'm angry, frustrated, or happy.  And today I'm going to say it again....

I am frustrated with my living situation! I would totally love to look across the room and not see things undone EVERY where I look, I would love from my eyes to see what I envision the space to look like. 

But for now... There's the printer I'm suppose to get onto Craig's List, The box that goes to Salvation Army. The plant that I'm not sure what's up with and need to do some research on. The boxes of papers that need to be filed or recycled. The desktop that is again too full to use. And this is just what I see from my office chair looking in one direction!

 I know we all have things that need to be done. Projects that are waiting for us to get to. I just don't know how to do it all and still sleep and that frustrates me! I will admit, our apartment isn't that large and a single extra box translates to a toe stubber on the way into the kitchen... Let alone the three major projects we have going on right now. 

I get mad. I lose my temper when I start to get overwhelmed by the crap (I mean "Treasures", really I do), and I have an evil temper, one that slams doors and pitches containers of oatmeal (Oh, I don't suggest that one. It really goes flying. But, if you do, don't throw it into the pantry. That just becomes a clean up from hell. Not that I would know anything about that... Nope, not me...)

But today I tried something different. I tried to be diligent. I tried to not just dumb and go onto something else, but instead  I put everything away that I was working on. I also attempted to stay true to the task timer so I could get onto the next whatever and not be so reactive to situations. 

It was funny. I would just set something down and walk away. Then aloud say "No, Betsy, that isn't the way we are going to make a difference in our life." Then I would turn around, pick up what I avoided, put it away and go back to the new task. 

I have a very long way to go and not a good service record for follow-through before the apartment feels like a home.  But maybe if I take on 30 mins of forced activity along with  staying diligent I might get the pictures hung, the paint finished, the stuff purged... Maybe I'll get to the place where my apartment feels like a home and not a storage unit. 

How do you keep your passions calm when life starts to overwhelm you? Are you a dumper crap or a keeper of Treasures? Do you have any tips for me? (Because we all know, I need all the help I can get!)

The Single Tip for a Healthy Growing Relationship

So, I'm married. And I'm married to the perfect man for me! I couldn't ask for a better person to be my life partner.

Totally Joyful makes sure I get the pleasure of experiencing every single flipping emotion. I get the typical happy and joy. I do a LOT of laughing around him. He makes me feel secure and loved. These are all wonderful! Then, to make sure I realize how special these feelings are, I also get to experience loneliness, anger, frustration, and even some insecurity. Yep, I AM a lucky wife!

The past couple of days we have been tiffing about something he wants to do that really scares me. It's nothing bad; it's actually a really good thing. He wants to take an intensive course to help him be a better leader. I better communicator. And I'm scared of that??? (Yes, I did have a CAT scan and yes, there is nothing wrong with my brain functionality.)

I don't like it when things change. I don't like rocking my boat. I don't like to see the love of my life struggling with anything. I want to protect him. So, as much as I longed and wanted to support him... My fear outweighed all the good that could have come from it.

My fear of change. My fear of him outgrowing me. My fear of having to do more work. These were going to limit the person I wanted to see soaring to the top of the world more than anything else!!! (Yeah, I did have a headache due to the ongoing conflict in my CAT scan approved "Normal" brain.) 

Then... With the joys of Facebook... A friend who I have never met, but always makes me see the world a bit differently (in a well rounded open minded sort of way) opened me up to a new thought. It's a phrase/way of being husbands learn early in long marriages... Yes Dear.

My friend had a different way of looking at it. He believed both sides should practice it. (I know!!! Bizarre, right?!) That tiny shift in thinking was all I needed to end the tiff.

I don't have to be ok with Totally Joyful going off and doing this course. I can worry about missing him all the times he's going to be gone. I can be frustrated that I'll have more work to do around the house. AND... I can step back, say "Yes Dear" and be supportive of something he really wants.  I can look at this from his perspective and see how excited he is about this. I can see he is also scared and nervous.

Most importantly... I can see we are in this together.

So, I ask you (as I do at the end of all of these), what can you step back from and say "Yes Dear" too? What does your partner want to do that you just aren't on board with yet? Could you be? Could you be open to letting them have it their way?

Purging's Good - But Keep the Capsules

This weekend is all about purging our house! I'm so excited about this! 

We live is a 2 bedroom garden level apartment where it can feel crowded quickly. Two weeks ago Totally Joyful and I cleaned out our storage unit by bringing some the goodies home. (Yep, home to the "it can feel crowded quickly" apartment.) So, we're going back to ground zero before we start another project. 

The most overwhelming pile of Stuff is ALL the PAPERWORK that breds. My part is finally combining his and her files. (Because we've been married about a year. I think it's a safe bet I'm not going anywhere for a spell.) Totally Joyful's part is going through boxes of his ancient papers to find lots of stuff we can get rid of.

While sorting, filing, purging we found some great treasures. His grandparents Wedding Certificate... Profile pictures he took with his mom for a dating site 16 years ago... The newsletters from my elementary school... My doodled-everywhere school folders from high school... Things you just can't get rid of now, you've had them for so long they've become a time capsule.

But the best treasure we found...

"The Exciting Life of the Writer of this Autobiography" written by Betsy Rackliffe in 8th grade.  PRICELESS! 

 

OH MY GOSH! Did you know that by the time I was 14 I had had 13 boyfriends!!! (I only know this because it's in the autobiography.) What a wonderful read and funny story to share with Totally Joyful. I think I'll see if #Cuteness wants to read it. (I did write it by hand in a very loopy cursive at the same age she is now.) 

Emptying boxes is a good way to clean your space and your mind. It makes room for the new to come in. But just make sure you don't through it all away. You want to save some things to laugh at and remark about how much things have changed.

Good vs. Better vs. Best

We are a one car household. My husband works a 9-1/2 hour day a 45 min drive away (so, we don't see much of each other).  We live off a busy highway street full of gas stations, banks, fast food places, a car dealerships (so, nowhere fun to walk to). I am working at starting up my dream company and working from home in our 1200 sf apartment of white walls that faces north-east and gets no natural light (so, not much in human interactions).

I am NOT complaining about my life (although it really does sound like it). I am totally lucky that I can have my own company (and one day I'll have enough guts to actually get a client) and do something I want to do (not what I have to do). I'm lucky that just outside our "backdoor" we live on a beautiful lake that I love sitting by. I'm lucky I have a home I share with someone who totally loves me and it's in a safe neighborhood and we don't have to worry about break-ins, robberies, or anything bad. My life is Good.

Good. That's it... Good.

Have you been to Home Depot to buy something and they have 3 different options in quality? "Good" "Better" "Best" My life is "Good". It works. People would be happy to be where I am. I have nothing to complain about. (I'm even healthy so I can't complain about that either!) I'm happy. But...  I'm not completely truly happy.

I want MORE! So much more... I don't want more stuff. I don't want a bigger house. I want more Life. I don't know how to get it. I feel trapped where I am. I feel buried under all the things that "should" be done. I feel afraid to really jump into my new career.  I've magnificently created a Good world where I'm paralyzed by fear.  And, I don't know how to break out it.

And THAT is why I'm here every day writing this blog. Because I AM going to break out of where I'm at! I am going to have my dream life. I am going to  have a successful company! I am not going to be paralyzed! No, this blog isn't going to be the end-all answer to everything. But it makes me think, wonder. evaluate and be committed to something. It's a start...

Now that I've bared my soul I ask you... Which is your life? "Good" "Better" or "Best"

No matter what life  looks like on the outside to others, or how lucky you feel you are, the only thing that matters is - are you really truly happy where you're at?

A Picture Is Worth a 1000 Words

If a picture is worth 1000 words then what is a picture with words worth?

I collect picture quotes from Facebook and Pinterest. I love them.

One day I want to DIY craft them into something neat for our bathroom. I think it would be uplifting to read and read and read them every time you're at the sink. Till then they are a slide show for my screensaver.

Here's a collection of some of my favorites....

After looking at these, I guess the most important thing to be is to laugh while having and inner strength.

I would love to thank everyone who posted these! I admit, I don't know where a lot of them came from or I would personally acknowledge you. If the picture has a link please check out their site and see what other neato things they have. And with all of them, I hope you would motivated a little bit, or at least cracked a smile.

Happy 4th of July

ps. Happy National Country Music Day too.

Why Discipline?

Like all good stories... It all started long ago in a far away land called Redford.

I realized what I was doing wasn't what I wanted to do. I didn't fully enjoy my micro interior design studio, working retail wasn't going to cut, and I had no worth-while marketable skills for a job I could live on. I discovered I needed to do something else. But what?

For nearly twelve months, I floated and bounced around. Throughout this, I discovered a career I like! How do I know I like it you ask? (Don't laugh) I know I like it because I read books about it. (I'm a slow and clumsy  reader and don't do it often, so this is a pretty big deal for me.) I want to know more about it. I go outside my comfort zone for it.  (And, we all know how hard that is to do.)

Now, I've spent six months learning and developing skills for this new adventure. I've taken classes, attended webinars, read books, listened to podcasts, (gaining an education is a different experience with Google than before) and gotten certified. I am ready to hang my shingle and get going! How exciting for me and my future!!!

But... But... But, I'm A.F.R.A.I.D.

I'm afraid to put all this knowledge I have into action. What if I really don't know anything?
I'm afraid to do what I know I can do (what I'm trained to do.)? What if it doesn't go the way I think it will?
I'm afraid to attempt the work. What if people think I'm stupid?

This is why the "D"-word (Discipline)

I Know I can do this.

I Know I have the knowledge to back up my processes.

I Know people will find value in my work.

I Know that starting and continuing will give me confidence.

I Know that with confidence fear will diminish.

I Know that having discipline will give me the backbone to continue on when I-Just-Don't-Wanna.

That is Why the need for Discipline...

The desire to overcome fear and accomplish something I Know I want and to live the life I dream about.

Day 3 of 90... only 86 more to go! I got this! Want to join me on my journey?


Thank you Very Best Quotes for a great motivational picture!

Self Awareness, A Wedding Gift to Myself

People are interesting! And I LOVE watching the many different kinds of behaviors...

For the most part, we have the Best intentions for our actions. We crave to be "good" people. But, I've noticed, our old habits and programming take the reins from our intentions, no matter how good they are.

I'm not saying I'm any different! I'm not saying that we can't change. However, an object at rest will stay at rest until acted on by an unbalanced force. (Newton's First Law of Motion). And change is HARD!!!

This rant is all stemming from a realization about myself and the current desire to introduce an unbalanced force. 

So... Here I go, startin' a new path... 

I just got married! (Thank you! Yes, it was beautiful! Yes, I am happy it's over!) Some how I managed to escape summers with 5 or 7 weddings. The etiquette of present giving. The rules you're suppose to follow for events. I went into this completely naive about what to expect. (Thank goodness for the overwhelming blogs and magazines to confuse me!)   I did notice one thing happening; an ongoing conversation that swayed between a sore spot and moments of glee with in me.

There's a belief that if something continually irks you it's a most likely a behavior within yourself that you have unknowingly disowned; and so, it bothers you to experience it in others. (Yeah, did you get that? Took me a long time to figure it out.) After a couple of weeks, I realized this is what was happening!!!

I suck at RSVPing! Even when I do happen to let people know I'm coming, I have minor panic attacks and end up bailing at the last moment. And, even more importantly, I hate it about myself.  Good thing though, the wedding made me confront my issue.

I didn't realize how important RSVPs were. I didn't realize how important a realistic head count is for events. How much food do you buy, tables do you put out, gifts do you create? Then, when you do actually get that number before the event, don't believe it; it changes the day of!

I was faced with what happens when I allow my personal human nature to control the actions of my intentions. (In the case of the wedding-way too much food!) I don't like what it does to host and hostess. I don't like being someone you can't rely on.  I don't like living in the space of the unknown.  This was a view into a world I didn't understand, and so didn't care about it.

Happy Dance!!! My "unbalanced force" has been discovered! The knowledge of what my actions/inactions create. I'm not saying my panic attacks aren't going to show up, but I will work harder at addressing them earlier so they won't stop me. I'm not saying I'm going to get to every Facebook invite that comes, but I'll try harder. I will also be more truthful about my intentions of attending as opposed to saying what I think they "want" to hear.  

My wedding gave me a husband, a lack of sleep preparing for it, beautiful pictures of wonderful memories and some gifts of greater self-awareness.

So, What Do You Do?

May 29th - The last day I had a "real" job. 81 days ago (but who's counting?) Instead a 9-5 paycheck job I ---

• sorted through every item in my parent's house/garage discovering forgotten treasures.
• filled the front yard, driveway, and back yard to host one of the biggest single yard sales in the Redford area of the year.
• found 10 different places to donate or recycle the other items and filled up the old green truck over and over again to minimized just tossing things away to the landfill.
• painted two landscape murals at the size of 8 feet x 8 feet each for an ice show.
•  packed up my life and moved in with my fiancé's tiny apartment. (Which got new carpeting installed three days before adding my things to his collection.)
• completed updates, cleaning and preparation to rent out my family's home so I can be close to my future step-daughter.
• unpacked, re-established up my art studio, and began the merging of two lives and all the stuff that comes with said lives.
• planned, executed, and had an amazing DIY potluck wedding for 85 loving friends and family within a short four month engagement.

 Yeah... Maybe I should have stayed at the "real" job and gotten a paycheck!

So, it's been nearly three months of not having a job, a paycheck or knowing what how to define myself. And I don't like it. I don't feel like I'm part of society. I don't feel like I'm giving equally in my relationships. Even though I have worked from sunrise to sundown to create new lives for love ones and family members.  I still feel like I've taken the easy route because I haven't contributed money to the situations. Instead I have been working behind the scenes making sure everyone has what they need to do what they want.

It's interesting how much emphasis is placed on what one does. Ok... It's interesting to see how much emphasis I have put on myself by my title, by what I do, by if I have a paycheck or not.

What I did didn't bring in money. What I did didn't provide an income for the household. But what I did ---

• allowed my parents to move to Seattle to watch the grand-kids grow up to help influence them to make great memories.
•  allowed me to marry a wonderful man who loves me and encourages me to be me, all the different facets of me that there are.
• allowed my fiancé to be an active and supportive dad and be there for his busy daughter.

I guess that's pretty important. I guess there is more to life than just money and titles. I guess I should remember that...

What about you? What do you do? Most importantly, are you happy doing it and see it's amazing value?

Dealing With Avoidance

Remind me...
How did I get HERE!?!?

• Laundry (Including putting it away & patching holes)
• Clean the kitchen / bathroom / living room
• Find the office desk under the paperwork
• Find the dresser under the make-up & jewelry
• Fix the holes around the basement windows to keep the cold and mice out
• Insulate the crawl space
• Clean the kitty litter before she again pees somewhere else and I have to find it
• Finish (START) the canvases/artwork needed next week
• Fix the shingles on the roof
• Find out why the basement wall is leaking / how to rewire the electricity upstairs
• Purge the office, clothing, garage and basement, life
• Pay bills with the money growing on the backyard tree... (Wait, I don't HAVE a money growing tree!!! Now what?)
• Replace the bathroom cabinet / back screen door / the exterior side light
• Make money / Meet people / Network
• Create a marketing plan

There is always so much do to. I get easily overwhelmed by it all and stop, or break down, or cry, or veg in front of the TV. There are times I honestly believe that I've finally gotten a grasp on what needs to be done. I have a positive outlook that I CAN Do This!!! To find out I was only spinning my wheels and, in truth, I'm really back 5 steps.

To "deal with it" I step back, create new possibilities, figure out new ways to do without, figure out ways to do it "on the cheap." I try to stay happy about my living conditions. I remind myself I'm thankful for what I have. I try to have honest gratitude.

But... In reality, I hate where I live. I hate how I live. I hate that everywhere I look I see a minimum of 3 things that need to be done.

I spent a year living in denial. I ignored everything that needed to attention. Wanna know a secret? It didn't go away. It actually did the opposite; a lot of things, unsurprisingly, got worse. So now, I'm bleaching mold from the drywall and ceiling for days instead of having fixed the furnace drip and dealing with the water in a timely matter. I'm spending hours sorting through papers to find that needed phone number instead of managing my horizontal surfaces, time, life or behaviors.

I long to love my environment. To feel accomplished at the end of the day with a beer on a real sofa, not the twin bed pushed against the wall trying to pretend it IS a sofa. But instead I'm working till I'm falling over exhausted (on the days I'm not overwhelmed and hiding). I'm trying to put my life on track to be the adult I daydream about.

I'm learning about self-discipline and making choices; do I really really "need" that 14th plastic condiment jar, just-in-case? I'm learning that what I do today affects me tomorrow and 5 years from tomorrow. I'm learning that if I want my life to look a certain way and be a certain way, I need to keep THAT big picture in my mind when I make decisions.

I'm learning that cleaning up after avoidance is hard! And I don't like it!!!

I wish I could say, "I'm a changed woman, everything is on the right path and I'm always productive and proactive." But it seems, transforming how you do things is really hard (she said in a whiny voice with feet stomping and huge pout).

There's a saying I've heard over and over: "It took you years to get this way, it's not going to correct itself overnight."  So, I try a little bit every day. I keep my ultimate goal in mind and draw strength from it to remember Why. I will read blogs on self-discipline to encourage myself. I will remind myself over and over that I can do this!

I will proudly say, "I'm on a journey and some days are easy and go as planned, while other days are challenging and I get to go to bed really early." I'm not proud of myself for getting in this position; but I'm working at forgiving myself and being proud of getting out of it.

Hammers, Rabbits and Smiles - What Do They Have In Common?

What do you want out of Life? (I double dog dare you to answer!!!)

Me? I want to embrace "IT" fully!  I want to experience!!! Feel all emotions, hear all sounds, see all colors and SMILE; I want to continuously smile (and laugh.) I don't want to ever stop experiencing; I want to keep going and going and going...

Being able to truthfully answer the question took some inner reflection, some journaling and a lot of time. I had the "correct" answer--what others excepted to hear.  The "dream" answer--what I thought I wanted. Now, I don't care what others think. I don't care it's not big enough, not detailed enough, not ________(fill in the blank) in other's minds. I am driven to live it. I day dream about it. I long for it. I WANT it!

I spent many years just surviving, living day to day, wishing things would be different. Life was like a chipped, glued-together chotchkie sitting on the shelf collecting layers of dust. I did things, I explored, but it was inside a protective bubble. I was guarded. I was afraid of getting hurt. 

So, ya wanna know what???  I am done "wishing and hoping and thinking and praying planning, and dreaming, each night..." I'm surrounding myself with fun; with happy; with joy, positiveness and giggles.

Oh baby, don't get me wrong, some days I have to work on my attititude (or, to put another way, to not have an attitude.) On days when the truck and the dryer both break down. Or days when I bonding a bit too much with the white rabbit running late for an important date (while forgetting my coffee on the kitchen counter.) There are even some days the hammer finds it's way through the drywall... (I'm not strong enough to actually punch a hole-I need some help.) Some days smiling doesn't always come totally natural.

Mahatma Gandhi has said "Be the change you want to see in the world." One interpretation of this is that when you  practice and take the change to heart, to your soul, you start seeing it all around you. You see it in people and situations you wouldn't expect. Has it always been there?

For me, I want to live in a happy world. A place where strangers great each other with a  warm "Hi." Where we look out for each other's interest. Where we realize with are all common and all uniquely amazing.

I am committed to being that. To seeing those traits in others.  (Even if it means I'm living through "rose colored glasses".) So, when my day sucks I going to --- Stop... Breathe... Turn the music up LOUD... Dance... SMILE.  Eventually, after some good old fashion head banging I'm going to remember what "It" really is about...

Embracing life... Smiling... Fun...  Community and Success.

What is "It" about for you? Do you have an answer for "What do you want out of life?" How can we help you discover it?