The Single Tip for a Healthy Growing Relationship

So, I'm married. And I'm married to the perfect man for me! I couldn't ask for a better person to be my life partner.

Totally Joyful makes sure I get the pleasure of experiencing every single flipping emotion. I get the typical happy and joy. I do a LOT of laughing around him. He makes me feel secure and loved. These are all wonderful! Then, to make sure I realize how special these feelings are, I also get to experience loneliness, anger, frustration, and even some insecurity. Yep, I AM a lucky wife!

The past couple of days we have been tiffing about something he wants to do that really scares me. It's nothing bad; it's actually a really good thing. He wants to take an intensive course to help him be a better leader. I better communicator. And I'm scared of that??? (Yes, I did have a CAT scan and yes, there is nothing wrong with my brain functionality.)

I don't like it when things change. I don't like rocking my boat. I don't like to see the love of my life struggling with anything. I want to protect him. So, as much as I longed and wanted to support him... My fear outweighed all the good that could have come from it.

My fear of change. My fear of him outgrowing me. My fear of having to do more work. These were going to limit the person I wanted to see soaring to the top of the world more than anything else!!! (Yeah, I did have a headache due to the ongoing conflict in my CAT scan approved "Normal" brain.) 

Then... With the joys of Facebook... A friend who I have never met, but always makes me see the world a bit differently (in a well rounded open minded sort of way) opened me up to a new thought. It's a phrase/way of being husbands learn early in long marriages... Yes Dear.

My friend had a different way of looking at it. He believed both sides should practice it. (I know!!! Bizarre, right?!) That tiny shift in thinking was all I needed to end the tiff.

I don't have to be ok with Totally Joyful going off and doing this course. I can worry about missing him all the times he's going to be gone. I can be frustrated that I'll have more work to do around the house. AND... I can step back, say "Yes Dear" and be supportive of something he really wants.  I can look at this from his perspective and see how excited he is about this. I can see he is also scared and nervous.

Most importantly... I can see we are in this together.

So, I ask you (as I do at the end of all of these), what can you step back from and say "Yes Dear" too? What does your partner want to do that you just aren't on board with yet? Could you be? Could you be open to letting them have it their way?

Good vs. Better vs. Best

We are a one car household. My husband works a 9-1/2 hour day a 45 min drive away (so, we don't see much of each other).  We live off a busy highway street full of gas stations, banks, fast food places, a car dealerships (so, nowhere fun to walk to). I am working at starting up my dream company and working from home in our 1200 sf apartment of white walls that faces north-east and gets no natural light (so, not much in human interactions).

I am NOT complaining about my life (although it really does sound like it). I am totally lucky that I can have my own company (and one day I'll have enough guts to actually get a client) and do something I want to do (not what I have to do). I'm lucky that just outside our "backdoor" we live on a beautiful lake that I love sitting by. I'm lucky I have a home I share with someone who totally loves me and it's in a safe neighborhood and we don't have to worry about break-ins, robberies, or anything bad. My life is Good.

Good. That's it... Good.

Have you been to Home Depot to buy something and they have 3 different options in quality? "Good" "Better" "Best" My life is "Good". It works. People would be happy to be where I am. I have nothing to complain about. (I'm even healthy so I can't complain about that either!) I'm happy. But...  I'm not completely truly happy.

I want MORE! So much more... I don't want more stuff. I don't want a bigger house. I want more Life. I don't know how to get it. I feel trapped where I am. I feel buried under all the things that "should" be done. I feel afraid to really jump into my new career.  I've magnificently created a Good world where I'm paralyzed by fear.  And, I don't know how to break out it.

And THAT is why I'm here every day writing this blog. Because I AM going to break out of where I'm at! I am going to have my dream life. I am going to  have a successful company! I am not going to be paralyzed! No, this blog isn't going to be the end-all answer to everything. But it makes me think, wonder. evaluate and be committed to something. It's a start...

Now that I've bared my soul I ask you... Which is your life? "Good" "Better" or "Best"

No matter what life  looks like on the outside to others, or how lucky you feel you are, the only thing that matters is - are you really truly happy where you're at?

Who is Responsible for Your Life?

On the radio this morning the DJ's were talking about a Playboy Bunny who wrote a book about her time in the Mansion. She was 1 of 3 of the bunnies in a reality show about what life was like there. The radio folks implied she didn't paint her experience there very favorably. She wrote about all the things bunnies where "forced" to do: dye their hair blonde, get plastic surgery, date Hugh Hefner, and more things. 

So, as I understand it, this girl who was on skid row with a drug addiction was given an opportunity to clean up her life, became one of the most beautiful women in America, and had exposure to things only the Top 5% have. Now, she is feeling used and mistreated. That it wasn't her fault.

I can totally believe that Mansion life came at a cost. That things happened that you wouldn't want your little girl to know about, or see, let alone doing. I can believe life would have been a rollercoaster of straight up excitement where a person can get swept away without noticing. But... Didn't she still have a choice?

I'm 43. I have no retirement. I don't have any of my own money. It's been years since I worked a typical "Adult" job with vacation, 401k, and benefits. I'm not at all proud of these statements. Not. At. All.  But, it is where I am in life.  

I would completely love to blame someone else. Escape taking responsibility for the finical toilet bowl my life is in.  I would love to say I wasn't given the Right tools growing up. That my ex-boyfriend didn't support me and my company. That my teachers didn't help me in college. But... That's not true.

Everything in my life was a CHOICE I made. I quit my "good" job without having a backup. I stayed in an unhealthy relationship too long. I didn't work on my self-esteem until later in life.  My life today is solely an outcome of the choices I made in the past.

Don't get me wrong... I did the BEST I could with what I had. Being in an unhealthy relationship is not an easy thing to leave for anyone.  It takes a lot of determination and consistent actions to build one's esteem. And, people can't do life very easily without the support or generosity of others. But, ultimately, it is MY amazing life. And MY responsibility to manage it, ask for help, or hide.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wish people would limit blaming others so much for their lives, realize we all have many possibilities, and to know we are responsible for where we are in life.  (and YES! I do know that this is so totally completely easier to say than live!) I'm not saying we are alone, or that we shouldn't ask for help, that we shouldn't offer help not that we shouldn't try to understand another person's life. Just that we take responsibility for our own life.  

So, how is your life? Is it where you want it? What are you doing to get it there?

I Made It!

Oh. My. Gosh. Call me Brittany... I did it again. Well, almost. Here it is after 10 pm and I'm writing my post for the day. Good thing I remembered, this time.

This is going to take some getting used to. I'm working on a daily "Chore" list so I know what things need to be done every day. I opt to forget some things because they aren't a habit (yet). And then there are the things I just don't like doing that I need a larger reward for accomplishing them (laundry, dishes, making the bed, you get the picture).

I guess this one is going to be short and sweet... I will, however, leave you with one of some motivational pictures from the vacation we just had in Nantucket. (Motivational for me, hopefully pretty for you.) Nantucket has become one powerful reason for going all this and making these changes... I crave to have a life where of living in a small town on the ocean and visiting this the beautiful island regularly.  

Hope you have a wonderful night. 

Hammers, Rabbits and Smiles - What Do They Have In Common?

What do you want out of Life? (I double dog dare you to answer!!!)

Me? I want to embrace "IT" fully!  I want to experience!!! Feel all emotions, hear all sounds, see all colors and SMILE; I want to continuously smile (and laugh.) I don't want to ever stop experiencing; I want to keep going and going and going...

Being able to truthfully answer the question took some inner reflection, some journaling and a lot of time. I had the "correct" answer--what others excepted to hear.  The "dream" answer--what I thought I wanted. Now, I don't care what others think. I don't care it's not big enough, not detailed enough, not ________(fill in the blank) in other's minds. I am driven to live it. I day dream about it. I long for it. I WANT it!

I spent many years just surviving, living day to day, wishing things would be different. Life was like a chipped, glued-together chotchkie sitting on the shelf collecting layers of dust. I did things, I explored, but it was inside a protective bubble. I was guarded. I was afraid of getting hurt. 

So, ya wanna know what???  I am done "wishing and hoping and thinking and praying planning, and dreaming, each night..." I'm surrounding myself with fun; with happy; with joy, positiveness and giggles.

Oh baby, don't get me wrong, some days I have to work on my attititude (or, to put another way, to not have an attitude.) On days when the truck and the dryer both break down. Or days when I bonding a bit too much with the white rabbit running late for an important date (while forgetting my coffee on the kitchen counter.) There are even some days the hammer finds it's way through the drywall... (I'm not strong enough to actually punch a hole-I need some help.) Some days smiling doesn't always come totally natural.

Mahatma Gandhi has said "Be the change you want to see in the world." One interpretation of this is that when you  practice and take the change to heart, to your soul, you start seeing it all around you. You see it in people and situations you wouldn't expect. Has it always been there?

For me, I want to live in a happy world. A place where strangers great each other with a  warm "Hi." Where we look out for each other's interest. Where we realize with are all common and all uniquely amazing.

I am committed to being that. To seeing those traits in others.  (Even if it means I'm living through "rose colored glasses".) So, when my day sucks I going to --- Stop... Breathe... Turn the music up LOUD... Dance... SMILE.  Eventually, after some good old fashion head banging I'm going to remember what "It" really is about...

Embracing life... Smiling... Fun...  Community and Success.

What is "It" about for you? Do you have an answer for "What do you want out of life?" How can we help you discover it?