On the radio this morning the DJ's were talking about a Playboy Bunny who wrote a book about her time in the Mansion. She was 1 of 3 of the bunnies in a reality show about what life was like there. The radio folks implied she didn't paint her experience there very favorably. She wrote about all the things bunnies where "forced" to do: dye their hair blonde, get plastic surgery, date Hugh Hefner, and more things.
So, as I understand it, this girl who was on skid row with a drug addiction was given an opportunity to clean up her life, became one of the most beautiful women in America, and had exposure to things only the Top 5% have. Now, she is feeling used and mistreated. That it wasn't her fault.
I can totally believe that Mansion life came at a cost. That things happened that you wouldn't want your little girl to know about, or see, let alone doing. I can believe life would have been a rollercoaster of straight up excitement where a person can get swept away without noticing. But... Didn't she still have a choice?
I'm 43. I have no retirement. I don't have any of my own money. It's been years since I worked a typical "Adult" job with vacation, 401k, and benefits. I'm not at all proud of these statements. Not. At. All. But, it is where I am in life.
I would completely love to blame someone else. Escape taking responsibility for the finical toilet bowl my life is in. I would love to say I wasn't given the Right tools growing up. That my ex-boyfriend didn't support me and my company. That my teachers didn't help me in college. But... That's not true.
Everything in my life was a CHOICE I made. I quit my "good" job without having a backup. I stayed in an unhealthy relationship too long. I didn't work on my self-esteem until later in life. My life today is solely an outcome of the choices I made in the past.
Don't get me wrong... I did the BEST I could with what I had. Being in an unhealthy relationship is not an easy thing to leave for anyone. It takes a lot of determination and consistent actions to build one's esteem. And, people can't do life very easily without the support or generosity of others. But, ultimately, it is MY amazing life. And MY responsibility to manage it, ask for help, or hide.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wish people would limit blaming others so much for their lives, realize we all have many possibilities, and to know we are responsible for where we are in life. (and YES! I do know that this is so totally completely easier to say than live!) I'm not saying we are alone, or that we shouldn't ask for help, that we shouldn't offer help not that we shouldn't try to understand another person's life. Just that we take responsibility for our own life.
So, how is your life? Is it where you want it? What are you doing to get it there?
Reading things like this from you is hard for me because, of course, I want to fix things for my little girl. (And is it part of the problem that Mom and I still think of you as our "little girl?")
ReplyDeleteYour saying that it is your responsibility goes a ways toward relieving my guilt/pain, but I still wonder what I might have done differently.
But worrying about that unchangable past isn't very helpful beyond trying to find lessons to use in our dealings with Grace.
On the 43-and-no-IRA thing...
ReplyDeleteAt least you're not back in college raking up mountains of debt that will have you working at HD when you are in your 70s.
Having said that (and taking responsibility for my own life decisions) we don't have any regrets for living our lives as we did when we were young enough and healthy enough to appreciate it.