1 Step Forward - 3 Steps Back

Ya know, I just got home from an amazing coffee "date" with a new friend. (Better yet a new friend who is a STEP-MOM!!!! My only other step-mom friend! *insert squeal of excitement here*) We laughed, we compared stories, talked about our wonderful husbands. I got some morals from the night (because everything needs a moral. Duh. It's not worth my time if I don't learn something. Yes, I am working on that aspect of my life). It was perfection.

The drive home sent me past a lake doing fireworks. Very beautiful. I love the ongoing display and people getting together growing their communities. Just makes me smile. (Yes, I am torn between the celebration of  fireworks and the flashback triggers for veterans. I want the fireworks with their memories from my childhood, the way they pull the community together, the abstract visualization of what 'bombs bursting in air' looks like to civilians; and I want to respect a veteran's  need. I don't know which 'want' is greater yet. ... And,I digress...)

Pandora even had the bomb-diggity collection of music. Some Violent Femmes / Dead Milkmen. Some They Might Be Giants. Some Monty Python. And some good olde Irish drinking songs. Radio was loud enough to cover my off-key singing. Perfection again.

Then... Then I came home. This week has SUCKED! I even broke out in hives from stress this week! I have picked myself up off the ground too many times. I have wanted to scream "I'M DONE!" followed quickly by hiding under my rock. But instead I find the rainbow. I look at the other side of the cluster-fuck. I try to learn something. I go on...

Today I managed to get pieces picked up. Reached out for help. Got balls rolling so I can keep going up. I was in a good place from the coffee "date", from the rolling balls, and from an actual conversation with my Totally Joyful.

Then... Then I opened the mail. What's the saying??? '1 step forward 3 steps back'??? Why do I have a SECOND bill for my CT scan??? Why is it over $1000??? Why didn't my insurance cover any of it???  Why did it have to come on a  Friday when there is no one I can talk to till Monday???

I know it's just money. I know someone will be able to talk with me about it Monday. I know it will work out... And... I know it's not what I needed to see at the end of this already crappy week.

So, I'll lift myself up. I'll know that I can handle this. I'll have an amazing weekend. I'm bigger than this. I got this...

Now, where did I set my beer down? Because I'll be strong tomorrow... Tonight I'm going to cry in my beer, and laugh about what happened during my perfect night and go to bed...