The Importance of Speeling... Damn... I mean: The Importance of Spelling

I grew up with the local Art Center as my Latch Key facility. Weekend activities where art classes, ones I took or one's my parents were teaching. In the summers, when we weren't creating something, we could be found participating in something on the Native American reservation or in the vegetable garden with my mom or out chopping down trees for our winter firewood. I was exposed to so many different forms of art, creativity, and cultures by the time 13! I was lucky.

I also played with algebra, experimented with numbers and wondered how equations were made, then solved. I'll admit they weren't hard problems by any means, but I had a very basic understand of how to "solve for X". I also loved story problems. I was fascinated how they all went together and solved for something at the end. Don't get me wrong, I hated doing the ones my teacher gave me... Those were like, hard!!!

But, I never could spell. Oh how everyone tried... EVERY ONE! The teachers. My parents. The tutors. I would spend HOURS on different techniques all in an attempt to master that elusive skill "Spelling" ... Yeah, never got it. (I'm sure that if you follow this blog, you're not at all surprised!) In high school, it was common practice for me to yell a random word throughout the house to have my mom respond with the correct way to spell it.  Through college, my housemate and I repeated that same exercise. (Yes, it did catch some people off balance when they experienced it.) Hell, even currently it happens in our household. Except now, besides Totally Joyful responding, my 14 yr old step-daughter replies too.

Today's society puts a strong emphasis on spelling or grammar. There are memes all over social media complaining about how Wrong it is... (And here I am excited when I accidently get a big word right!) Society almost completely judges a person's intelligence by how well they can put letters together or do math or science. These skills seem to be the only ones that matter. I've had people judge me for my lack of spelling prowess. It kind of hurt... And that's ok, I know I'm damn good at things they have no clue about, like discovering patterns within occurrences or deeper understand human reactions.

I recently heard a podcast talk about "Being Unique". They explained spelling and why that's not quirky nor fun nor filled with personality. It's because the public likes when things aren't perfect, they like when there is a realness to it, but, they do not like it when something is broken. Spelling is a word that is broken. A broken collection of letters. Kind of an interesting way to look at my nemesis.

I guess...

Feel free to judge my professionalism on how well I put letters together. Judge that person's post by the spelling, don't bother to look past it to the meaning of their statement. By all means, let our problem get in the way of you enjoying your day....

Or, know that it is not our intention to mess up. Truly, our intention is only to open our souls and share our life with you...

Our Lives Are Not Our Own

Sheeps or Poodles?
How you imagine yourself?
How others imagine you?

You never ever ever know how people perceive you. Nor do you ever know how you impact their lives.  And ya know what... It kind of sucks AND it's will knock your socks off.

No matter how hard I try to look "Normal", or business-like people (strangers!) see through it.

• I was at the credit union today and the associate was telling me all about the Yellow Door in Berkley because I look like the creative type. 
• The office manager at my counselor's office was sure I had done a local walking fundraiser because of course I'm the type of person who would do that.
• One of my co-workers once asked for my option on something because "I dance to the drum of a different beat".

And here I thought I was normal... Yeah, Right...

There's also how your friends see you. Surprisingly, it's not always how you see yourself.

• My friends see me as outgoing, not shy by any means... I see myself as paralyzing nervous to talk to strangers at a networking event.
• My friends see me as an Artist and artistic... I see myself as crafty, I'm able to take a given recreate it, or modify it, not come up with something new.
• My friends see me as busy and full of happiness and life... I see myself as a loner, intimated by others, and crying or angry a lot.

Why can't we live the life others see us as? I would love to be that person! It's that person I long to be. But, I'm too afraid that person would become too big to live in the life I've created.

On the flip-side, I know how much people have impacted my life. I also know how much they have NO IDEA! None at all.

• I have a large handful of people who I respect greatly! I mentally look to them when I need that extra push. I ask myself, "What would Suzy-Q do?" And then I make up what they would say or do to push me to do what I need to do, not what I want to do. I really have no I idea what they would really say, but I know what the Them in my head would do. So, I go off and try it.
• I still am grateful to people to motivated me decades ago and I'm not shy to tell them. Sometimes, they don't understand it; for them it was just a typical day in their life.

I wonder how they see themselves? I wonder if they are as afraid to be the person I see them as much as I'm afraid to be the person they se me as? Or would they dislike the person I see them as?

As much as we like to think it is... Our lives are not our own. Every time we interact with another human whether on social media, driving, standing in line at the grocery store, talking with your co-workers, hanging with your family or your friends we impact the other person. So... 

What impact are you making? Better yet, what impact do you want to leave? I know I want to keep them thinking amazing thoughts about me.

Earthing or, Just Go Outside

When was the last time you went outside just to be outside? Not to run to the car? Not to mow the lawn or take out the trash. But to breath, relax and just be with nature? If you can't remember, I'm worried.

At dinner with a friend I was told about "Earthing". (Yes, that is really a word and a new health craze.) I couldn't believe what she was telling me, so I HAD to do my research make sure she wasn't pulling my leg...

"Earthing" is connecting yourself with, well, the earth.  That simple. It's walking barefoot... Yep, that's basically it. (lowers head to hands and gentle nods head in frustration.) They have discovered when you ground yourself with the earth there are, gasp, health benefits. These could and may range from reducing inflammation, chronic pain, muscle tension and headaches to improving sleep, energy and blood pressure, along with others.

I'll get on board with a movement to get people outside. I can encourage people  to explore being barefoot... But... I can not get motivated to have people BUY products that plug into the wall to simulate the feeling of being outside. Everything about that just sounds fishy.

After reading a handful of blogs, promotional information, medical websites and mommy blogs, I have been jumping between speechless and soap-boxing...

1. I can't believe we have become a society that needs scientific proof for why we should go outside. Why aren't we going outside to enjoy life? Why is Inside so much better? When did Outside become something to fear or avoid?
2.  I couldn't find Medical Doctors (even Homeopathic ones) or scientists willing to back it up and agree with the "scientific" reasoning behind this new theory. They only scientific supporters were the ones selling the product. When reading the propaganda, I (the totally non-science person) was even finding contradictive statements. And, one of the main websites "is not responsible or liable for any advice or any other information that you obtain through this website." (If you can't stand behind what you're saying... Then, why should I?)
3. I'm angry that this really is a profit industry hiding behind a free and simple natural occurrences feeding on people's desires and pain. There are books, videos, clothing, and professionals willing to help transform your lifestyle, on this topic. (All for a price, of course.)

I love being barefoot. (I've been nicknamed the Barefoot Designer from clients.) I love being outside. I can't hide my passion for nature; I've tried, people see through it.  This "Earthing" thing scares me and raises so many red flags I can't see clearly.

If you really want all the benefits from being in nature... I invite you to go outside. Breathe the fresh air, absorb some vitamin D from the sun, distress a bit by getting away from your desk, enhance your brain by feeling the wind and the grass. There's so much that comes from being outside.

So, take a break... Take care of yourself... Don't spend any money and just GO OUTSIDE. 

What's your Future Worth?

I wasn't going to write a post today. I gave myself excuses all day. But... ... I felt guilty.

• How would I show value to y'all if I wasn't dependable?
• What kind of precedence was a making to my future it I didn't follow through?
• Am I really that out for self destruction that I could write a small post to keep my word?

So, on the way to bed (literally!) I decided I was worth taking 15 mins to write a post...

Now, I ask you... Are you willing to do what it takes to do what you want? Are you willing to not let yourself off the hook?

Photo Credit: I don't know how to thank. But I love this picture. It is from Facebook a handful of years ago. Thank you to whoever made it! And if it is yours, please let me know so I can link it to you and give you credit!

1 Step Forward - 3 Steps Back

Ya know, I just got home from an amazing coffee "date" with a new friend. (Better yet a new friend who is a STEP-MOM!!!! My only other step-mom friend! *insert squeal of excitement here*) We laughed, we compared stories, talked about our wonderful husbands. I got some morals from the night (because everything needs a moral. Duh. It's not worth my time if I don't learn something. Yes, I am working on that aspect of my life). It was perfection.

The drive home sent me past a lake doing fireworks. Very beautiful. I love the ongoing display and people getting together growing their communities. Just makes me smile. (Yes, I am torn between the celebration of  fireworks and the flashback triggers for veterans. I want the fireworks with their memories from my childhood, the way they pull the community together, the abstract visualization of what 'bombs bursting in air' looks like to civilians; and I want to respect a veteran's  need. I don't know which 'want' is greater yet. ... And,I digress...)

Pandora even had the bomb-diggity collection of music. Some Violent Femmes / Dead Milkmen. Some They Might Be Giants. Some Monty Python. And some good olde Irish drinking songs. Radio was loud enough to cover my off-key singing. Perfection again.

Then... Then I came home. This week has SUCKED! I even broke out in hives from stress this week! I have picked myself up off the ground too many times. I have wanted to scream "I'M DONE!" followed quickly by hiding under my rock. But instead I find the rainbow. I look at the other side of the cluster-fuck. I try to learn something. I go on...

Today I managed to get pieces picked up. Reached out for help. Got balls rolling so I can keep going up. I was in a good place from the coffee "date", from the rolling balls, and from an actual conversation with my Totally Joyful.

Then... Then I opened the mail. What's the saying??? '1 step forward 3 steps back'??? Why do I have a SECOND bill for my CT scan??? Why is it over $1000??? Why didn't my insurance cover any of it???  Why did it have to come on a  Friday when there is no one I can talk to till Monday???

I know it's just money. I know someone will be able to talk with me about it Monday. I know it will work out... And... I know it's not what I needed to see at the end of this already crappy week.

So, I'll lift myself up. I'll know that I can handle this. I'll have an amazing weekend. I'm bigger than this. I got this...

Now, where did I set my beer down? Because I'll be strong tomorrow... Tonight I'm going to cry in my beer, and laugh about what happened during my perfect night and go to bed...

Sailboats vs Cobwebs

I admit it, I am Horrible with money. I was never able to "save up" for that larger purchase (which explains why I don't have a nice sofa; that takes some time to save for!) I typically buy what I want, went I want. I'll pat my back for being pretty good at not wanting lots of things or stuff. I crave things and desire things, but I tend to not go off the deep-end with my spending (no $250 shoes or $300 dresses for me; yet). When I do go on a spending spree it's at a Dollar Store or the Salvation Army. Both of which it's hard to completely break the bank.

I also sheepily admit I'm great at spending all the money I have quickly as I can and then going without any for a long period. This characteristic of my money personality SUCKS! It's from the "I want when I want" problem. I'm not so good and the delay gratification stuff  when it comes to money... Hell, with anything! Sucky... Pucky...

While out today on my walk I wondered across a Garage Sale.  There wasn't very much I wanted. (The home-owner is a hunter and my "I can't even kill a Spider" life doesn't call for many forest-cameo blinds. Imagine that...) However, there was a small sculpture of a copper sailboat on a chunk of stone. It captured the water part of our new Lifestyle. Going for evening walks watching the boats on the ocean. Taking week long vacations on a chartered yacht. I would have loved this nick-nack on my shelf reminding me what TJ and I are working toward.

This is where my amazing magical ability to make money disappear got the best of me. There are cobwebs in my wallet instead of spending money. As a result of my previous actions, I couldn't get this really cool thing I wanted. (and wow, wasn't that a mature adult statement... and it came out of my mouth! WOW!) On the flip-side there was a very nice, complete, leather crafting kit with punches, tools, leather, and storing case I would have enjoyed owning, could live without, and I'm ok I didn't have the money. Chances are, I would have bought it, not used it often, and downsized it in a couple of years. It wasn't worth the space it would have taken up.

 As I ventured home empty handed I kept hearing Dave Ramsey lecturing me about the benefits of delay gratification.  I hated it. I wasn't happy to walk away without the representation of our future life. But, I'll try something different. They say; "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results." Time for something new.  

I am going to go back on Saturday to see if it's still there. If it is - I AM GOING TO BUY IT. If it's not - I can save my money for something even better in the future. No consolation gifts or spending here. Only getting what I really want and saving for the expensive items I desire.

What about you? How is your money spending? How is your ability to delay simple gratification for long-term goals? What are some tips you have to stay on track?

Good vs. Better vs. Best

We are a one car household. My husband works a 9-1/2 hour day a 45 min drive away (so, we don't see much of each other).  We live off a busy highway street full of gas stations, banks, fast food places, a car dealerships (so, nowhere fun to walk to). I am working at starting up my dream company and working from home in our 1200 sf apartment of white walls that faces north-east and gets no natural light (so, not much in human interactions).

I am NOT complaining about my life (although it really does sound like it). I am totally lucky that I can have my own company (and one day I'll have enough guts to actually get a client) and do something I want to do (not what I have to do). I'm lucky that just outside our "backdoor" we live on a beautiful lake that I love sitting by. I'm lucky I have a home I share with someone who totally loves me and it's in a safe neighborhood and we don't have to worry about break-ins, robberies, or anything bad. My life is Good.

Good. That's it... Good.

Have you been to Home Depot to buy something and they have 3 different options in quality? "Good" "Better" "Best" My life is "Good". It works. People would be happy to be where I am. I have nothing to complain about. (I'm even healthy so I can't complain about that either!) I'm happy. But...  I'm not completely truly happy.

I want MORE! So much more... I don't want more stuff. I don't want a bigger house. I want more Life. I don't know how to get it. I feel trapped where I am. I feel buried under all the things that "should" be done. I feel afraid to really jump into my new career.  I've magnificently created a Good world where I'm paralyzed by fear.  And, I don't know how to break out it.

And THAT is why I'm here every day writing this blog. Because I AM going to break out of where I'm at! I am going to have my dream life. I am going to  have a successful company! I am not going to be paralyzed! No, this blog isn't going to be the end-all answer to everything. But it makes me think, wonder. evaluate and be committed to something. It's a start...

Now that I've bared my soul I ask you... Which is your life? "Good" "Better" or "Best"

No matter what life  looks like on the outside to others, or how lucky you feel you are, the only thing that matters is - are you really truly happy where you're at?