From Smut to Kids

When I have 5 or 10 minutes or right before bed I take a little escape and read my "smut book"--a period romance novel where the helpless heroin is always in trouble and the handsome rugged hero always rescues her, then they kiss passionately driven from pent up passion and desire. Another description would be "a description of what women long for romance to be and what men cringe at wondering *why* while not being able to wrap their heads around it." I admit they're not the most noble of read material, but they are one of my weaknesses--and I'm ok with that.

In the book I'm reading now there was a section that caught my attention: ".... Harriet ... never once questioning that these things should be done for her."

As I work along today I kept going back to that line, thinking about it, pondering it, and re-pondering. To clarify for you a bit... as I'm working and thinking (because painting doesn't take much brain power, your mind has lots of time to wonder) I'm allowing myself to get frustrated that the guy I'm dating hasn't come to my rescue this weekend. He hasn't helped me with my remodel when I have done his laundry, cooked his meals, and kept his coffee/water glass filled. In essence I have put his needs before my own in hopes he will see me, fall madly in love with me, sweep me off my feet and rescue me. (I truly feel sorry for men and the unknown expectations women put on them)

Really Betsy??? *as I hang my head in my hands and slowly shake it in bewilderment*

I AM secretly waiting for a dude to "be my savior"... And that SUCKS! Over and over again I have learned that doesn't happen, and even it could, it most likely wouldn't happen the way I wanted it to. So, why do I keep hoping, believing it could happen? (If I  keep it up too long I'll need to invest in  a punching bag to relieve my growing frustrations.)

Do I have a Hope spring bubbling over because I'm afraid of doing this (ok, everything) on my own? Because I have low self-esteem? Maybe because deep down inside I believe men rescue women and do the heavy lifting and women take care of men and nurture them?

No matter what the reason, a change in attitude is needed! I am NOT a helpless female. I am Not week or simple minded! I AM determined. I AM resourceful. I AM intelligent. And I AM too suborn to believe I can't....  

These are great inspirational thoughts. They temporarily motivate me and make me feel good. I logically understand them and yes, I am each of these and more. But, I need to believe them to my core, down to the deepest parts of my soul. I guess it's time to look in the mirror at my beautiful face and say after myself "I think I can... I think I can.... I think I can..."

Come on... Say it with me. You know you want to... " I think I can..."

Are You Missing the "Just Do It" Drive?

The day started 12 hours ago with a 3-column "To Do" list, high hopes for an active a day, and wishes for crossing lots of things off. Yeah, not so much. I did enjoy the sun while lazily running errands, and I had a long nap.

It is now 7:30 PM and I'm in a mild panic: "What am I going to do? I have to get this stuff done! I have wasted yet another day!"

I met with a potential new client this week who opened her business a mere 10 months ago. She is booked consistently and having a great time being pulled in multiple directions. During our meeting she juggled 3 different activities gracefully without leaving anything unattended or left out.

As I got to know her and her needs better, I  realized she didn't ponder. She didn't spend lots of time weighing pros and cons. She didn't re-asses her plans at every crossroad. Instead she knew what needed to be accomplished, and did it.

WOW, what a concept! Just do what needs to be done. (We do realize I'm sitting here analyzing life, typing this, re-reading it 5 times for typos, finding the perfect picture--all of this, instead of doing anything on my "To Do" list.)

In a wonderful test of "Life Just Happens," Tuesday night I got some sh**y news. The housemate that was suppose to move in, the very next day, wasn't. I realized it because there were no responses to my questions via text-messages (the joys of great communication skills.) I broke down for the following 36 hours. I couldn't do more than sleep, cry, or focus on the negativity of life no matter how hard I tried. In all honesty, I haven't been very motivated for the last 48 hours either. Productive procrastination has become an art form around here lately. You'll notice, this is in total contrast to the prospective client, who I am very envious of.

Un-motivation is a problem I have a lot. I don't have the Just-Do-It drive. I've been told too often: "It's ok. You push yourself too much; you need rest." "It's ok. You have a lot to overcome and you're just overwhelmed. You'll get to it tomorrow."

The reality is that I'm single, living on my own, my family is in another state, and I'm unemployed! I need to make money, find a housemate and pay bills! I NEED THE JUST-DO-IT DRIVE!

My question is: How do I find it within me? What ritual do I need to perform? Is it as simple as going out and buying Nike? (Please tell me--because if it is I'm on my way to buy an entire wardrobe and wear it every day!)

I think it's all about never giving up. Not ever. No matter what. It is accepting when I am unproductive and realizing it's ok. It's starting on the "Do List" whenever, no matter what time of day is, what the weather is like outside, what others say... It's Just doing it. Over and over and over... And over and over and over... And over and over and over again. It's admitting that occasionally it sucks and blows chunks all at the same time--but you still just do it. It's believing in yourself and your needs more than worrying about the what ifs.

And with that pep talk, I'm outta here! I'm off to Just Go Do It! (Who cares that it's Saturday night at 9pm? I'm starting!) Wanna join me?

No Need To Worry - Discrimination Is Alive and Doing Well

One thing that fascinates me is how our "defaults" control our lives. (I do admit, there are many many things that our subconscious does that just blows me away, this is just the one I'm going to get on my soapbox about today.)

 I use "default" to describe what I / people do without thinking; our programmed response even before we have time to process the information; what our mind does because that is what it has always done and will keep on doing over and over and over again, till we spend the time and energy to reprogram ourselves to react another way.  

The most resent slap-in-the-face of a default happened last week. To quickly set the stage:

1. I'm female.
2. I have my own interior design studio I'm attempting to build into my livelihood.
3. I'm in the middle of a remodel I'm over my head in.
4. I'm a women's right advocate and believe we are just as important as men and deserve the same respect and treatment.
5. I'm proudly a tiny bit of an airhead (it makes life with me fun!)

Here's what happened....

A very nice person responded to my posted plea on social media  for painting help; a builder offered me 4 hours of labor!!! (Wow; insert happy dance here.) I checked out who it was, looked at the profile, the pictures (all of which were of work done, nothing showing the person,) miss read the name, got excited, daydreamed about networking with *her*.  Within a day I had created in my mind a new friend and a chick-y-poo I could build a professional women building crew with. I was completely geeked about how amazingly we were going to connect during the hours she was volunteering her professional time to me without expecting any monetary compensation for her skills and knowledge.

The morning of the "get-together" arrived... The builder called confirming details and giving me a time frame of when *HE* would be here. There was a MAN's voice on the other end!!! I totally messed up the name and the sex of the person coming over!!! --- This is where it gets interesting --- I'm fine about a man coming over, as an interior designer I work with contractors all the time, this is second nature to me. The completely surprising, mind-blowing thing is that my first thought was "I need to pay him!"

When I (a women business person and women's right advocate) thought it was a chick coming over, I NEVER thought to pay her.  But, the second I discovered it was a guy - the tables turned and I moved to my default programming of "I needed to compensate for his inconvenience."  

I wasn't alone in this notion... After hanging up the phone I immediately called a close friend to update him on the change and to ask what I should do; his response: "Well, in that case you should pay him..."

Just for clarification - two small business owners, both believing in equal rights for men and women, had no problem NOT paying a hard working, knowledged and skilled  female builder, and believed, without a questioning doubt, that a man we knew nothing about deserved to be finically compensated for volunteering his time to help me.

REALLY!!! What an eye opener! I am speechless I did this! It was completely against what I say I'm committed to!!! Nice to know I have a unknown default about how men and women should be treated. I will admit, it does give me a deeper understand about why I do things. I hope I will work on my programming. I truly hope I will do things differently in the future. I hope... I hope... I hope... 

I'm curious... What would you have done? What's your default? Is it in tune with your commitments? Are you sure? (I thought I knew what I would have done.)