Wow! So, my life has changed a bit since 2015!
I DID get my Mermaid hair through a different salon and love the stylist. We now hang out every 4-ish weeks, and she does whatever she wants to keep my hair funky.I have semi-learned-ish to control (might be too optimistic of an outlook) my temper. Hours of meditation and jogging have gone a lot way to help me be calmer and help me dilute up-coming anger, so it never surfaces. (that is entirely a typo! Surfaces LESS!)
However, Fear is still controlling me, my actions, and thus what I’m able to achieve in life. My life isn’t where I dreamt it would be. More accurately, each year goes past, and my desires for what I wanted are yet again not achieved.
- "Next year. Next year we’ll get the kayaks." (We’re on year four without purchasing them and making all those memories.)
- "This year! This is the year I’ll send out birthday cards letting my loved ones know how much they are cherished and how much I think about them." (It’s only January 13th, and I’ve already missed two birthdays!)
- "This month, we’ll work on lowering our debt." (Unfortunately, this didn’t stay neutral. Just the opposite, it got worse.)
- Not to mention the dance lessons, the neglected date nights, the business that’s still a hobby. And don’t forget about the growing piles of bills and all the abandoned projects, nor all the hopes and dreams mentioned in every blog post previously written here.
"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
-Albert Einstein
For decades (yes, decades!) I have been trying to change who I was. Trying to become someone else to achieve my dreams: “Do I have the will power to do the work it will take?” “Can I be the woman I need to be to have the future I want?” (Hint: Nope. Nope, I don’t)
Then one warm sunny Sunday, after trying the microwave in its 10th location in our tiny kitchen, I did something different from my typical scream, cry, 20-minute avoidance shower... I went jogging. I lifted weights. I didn’t jog long. I didn’t do many reps, and it wasn’t much poundage. But, I TOOK CONTROL! I did an action that had a start, a finish, and I was the only one in charge of what was happening to my body and mind.
“The hand moves, and the fire’s whirling takes different shapes: All things change when we do”
-Kukai
I started to change. I become physically stronger. I got a job out of the home. I had my own money to help pay bills. I started to see different thinking, different outcomes…
With these wins under my belt and craving a different outcome in my life... I did what every sane person would do. I decided to undertake a significant “Pattern Interrupt” crash course and discover a new way of thinking… (Because, damn it!, I want something different to read in my journals! And, what I’ve been doing just is not working!) I threw caution to the wind (and my sanity) and “moved” #StellaDog and me into an apartment for a month so I could “find myself.”
Because I needed a change, I needed a new life and a new way of thinking. And, most importantly, I was desperate!
So, this is where I'm currently at; #StellaDog and I are in a stranger's apartment trying dearly to discover who in the hell we are... Ok, who I am, she just a dog, a dog who loves me and has to go where I am because she has no thumbs.
I have no idea what to expect during this month. I have no expectations of what’s going to happen. All I know is that at some level I’ll be a different person at the end than I am today.
Come on…
- Join me!
- Take this ride with me.
- Experience 1st hand my glorious breakdowns (yes, the oven is filthy enough for a ten-minute cry on the phone with my mom. Really!) Cheer with me for my accomplishments. And hopefully, find something to take away for your life… Even if it’s to shake your head in amusement and be grateful this isn’t you.
See ya tomorrow!!!
