Totally Joyful makes sure I get the pleasure of experiencing every single flipping emotion. I get the typical happy and joy. I do a LOT of laughing around him. He makes me feel secure and loved. These are all wonderful! Then, to make sure I realize how special these feelings are, I also get to experience loneliness, anger, frustration, and even some insecurity. Yep, I AM a lucky wife!
The past couple of days we have been tiffing about something he wants to do that really scares me. It's nothing bad; it's actually a really good thing. He wants to take an intensive course to help him be a better leader. I better communicator. And I'm scared of that??? (Yes, I did have a CAT scan and yes, there is nothing wrong with my brain functionality.)
I don't like it when things change. I don't like rocking my boat. I don't like to see the love of my life struggling with anything. I want to protect him. So, as much as I longed and wanted to support him... My fear outweighed all the good that could have come from it.
My fear of change. My fear of him outgrowing me. My fear of having to do more work. These were going to limit the person I wanted to see soaring to the top of the world more than anything else!!! (Yeah, I did have a headache due to the ongoing conflict in my CAT scan approved "Normal" brain.)
Then... With the joys of Facebook... A friend who I have never met, but always makes me see the world a bit differently (in a well rounded open minded sort of way) opened me up to a new thought. It's a phrase/way of being husbands learn early in long marriages... Yes Dear.
My friend had a different way of looking at it. He believed both sides should practice it. (I know!!! Bizarre, right?!) That tiny shift in thinking was all I needed to end the tiff.
I don't have to be ok with Totally Joyful going off and doing this course. I can worry about missing him all the times he's going to be gone. I can be frustrated that I'll have more work to do around the house. AND... I can step back, say "Yes Dear" and be supportive of something he really wants. I can look at this from his perspective and see how excited he is about this. I can see he is also scared and nervous.
Most importantly... I can see we are in this together.
So, I ask you (as I do at the end of all of these), what can you step back from and say "Yes Dear" too? What does your partner want to do that you just aren't on board with yet? Could you be? Could you be open to letting them have it their way?
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